Hope.
Leaving was the hardest thing I ever had to do. There’s so much pain in my heart that I can barely function. Food has no taste. I have no feeling in my hands. Everything reminds me of him. And when he crosses my mind, tears start flowing and it’s difficult to stop. I never quite understood people when they talked or sang about heartbreak. I always thought, “oh I’m sure they’re over exaggerating.” But now I know. It’s not an over-exaggeration at all. And if no one has ever felt heartbreak, they wouldn’t understand. They’re lucky they don’t have to feel it. I don’t know what to do with myself. I just have to move on. This new guy is sweet. Almost everything I want in a man. He has some of the same qualities as my last. But it isn’t the same. The similarities only make me want to cry even more. I just…hope time heals my heart. They always say if love is real, the feeling never fades. Oh…I hope they’re wrong. But I don’t think they are. I told him to call me in a year if he still loves me. If he still loves me, in a year he’ll remember. In this year we spend apart I hope he matures. I hope I mature. I hope we will both be ready to start over, but at the same time recall the comfortable feeling we had. A comfort I’m so positive I’ll never have with anyone else. But I’m not sure. I can only hope.
Just waiting…
It’s emotionally and physically exhausting seeing lovers everywhere —in the media, around campus, at work, in my dreams. Emotionally because of the reoccurring memories, the flashbacks, that brings tears to my eyes. Physically because with these thoughts in my mind, I can’t function properly; I can’t eat, can’t sleep. I know it takes time to heal all wounds, but I can’t do anything else but stare at the clocks around me. Just waiting…
